oh boy.
School is back in session!
I haven’t posted here all summer. I’ve been running these babes around, helping them live their best lives.
I also gave the blog a facelift. She’s demure. Cutesy. Classic.
I’ve been writing so much, I don’t even know where to start. Welcome back!
Is there anything you guys want me to talk about? Drop a comment. Anything goes. Curious about something? Ask and I’ll dive into it š
I’ve mentioned before that back to school is extra bittersweet. Obvi it brings much needed structure back, thank you baby Jesus. Picking out clothes and supplies and coming up with a routine is fun! I love it. Posting 1st day pics, seeing the evolution of my kids and your kids through the years makes my heart swell. But I will never not look at Beck’s friends and feel the empty. Thinking about what his Junior year would look like to us, all of us.
I lost a best friend when I was 30. That was so confusing and hard to navigate. I can’t imagine how it effects these kids in their teens. Their formative years. So unfair to all of us. Beck AND his friends defined how I mothered. They shaped me into the mother I am today. I took fervent mental notes on their personalities, how they spoke with me, how they spoke with their parents, how they interacted with the 2 little ones, what snacks they got excited about. All of it. I was a sponge particularly in those last few years.
It’s one of those things I don’t think we talk much about with grief. How much our loved ones circle of friends were parts of our lives too. I don’t think his friends could ever understand how I truly beam when I see what they’re accomplishing. How much it makes my heart happy knowing that they are thriving. Because I know how much Becky loves them and is with them still.
If any of them are reading this I just want to say, thank you.
So here’s another part of back to school that I’ve learned is tricky. The first day of school, the littles come home with “About Me” sheets and I cry every single time they name their siblings. It hassss to be hard to write your dead brothers name on a page but at the same time, I know they are so proud that he is their brother. They idolize him. Was it jarring for you to read “dead” brother. I skirted the word for a very long time. It’s their reality though. Our reality. There are softer ways to say it. But sometimes it doesn’t feel soft. Why sugar coat. Who am I sugar coating it for. Certainly not myself. Maybe we can normalize that part.
Love you, mean it.
4 responses to “Boy,”
The paragraph about grief and friends. I would assume friends wonder if it hurts for us to see/know their achievementsā¦absolutely YES! BUT, it also brings joy and happiness when they include us because we are happy and proud for them. We want them to stay āfamily.ā
Addy has a boy named āKylerā in her class this year; she was quick to point it out but seemed excited for the comparison.
She also had to take some items to describe herself to the class. She took a bracelet she made because she likes making them, a cheer leading sanitizer holder because sheās excited to do comp cheer, a macaron because she loves them, and her angel pin and āKylerā bracelets that she wears everyday so she could tell the class about her brother that lives in heaven. It hurts my heart and boasts my heart all at the same time that that is something she feels describes herā¦it is her (their) reality and Iām thankful everyday that she knows she can talk about it to anyone. Hugs to you all.
Very bittersweet <3
Hi girl! we met a few years ago! Because of privacy I canāt say where but I hope you rememberšI have prayed for peace for you since the day I met you.. I remember hearing about the tragic accident of your son.. my heart bleed and felt torn as a mother to a motherā¦ I just recently lost my dad to cancer and boy grief sure does a number on ya! Itās not the same or even comparable Iām sure to losing a childā¦ but itās such a crazy feeling,, the ups and downs.. the waves as my brother describes it.. also my husband lost his brother prior to my dads passing .. so life has just been damn hard! I ran across your page this morning.. as my eyes popped open at 4:30am .. but thank you Jesus as tired as I will be ā¦ Iām thankful for wakingā¤ļøI m glad I saw this and I hope to see you soon someday.. until then be blessed my friendā¦ ā¤ļø
OF COURSE I remember you. I think about you all of the time. Every time I walked into the IV clinic after losing my eyesight, I was so thankful to see your face. You are so thoughtful and caring and exactly what I needed during that time. I can’t tell you how encouraging it was to hear you and the other girls in there get excited for me for every tiny bit of progress. I could tell you thank you a thousand times and it would never feel like enough. I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. None of them are ever easy. I’m so glad you stumbled upon the blog š