and it felt good.

My eyes are dry. Burning still.

I was feeling some big feelings. Actually, just sad. I was feeling big sad.

I did some writing. It felt good putting it on paper. Putting words to it all. I wrote out some affirmations too. All the sad feelings that had manifested in my body as physical sensations left, when I closed my journal.

Rescuing myself as I write it out, feeling every single pin prick as I put words to it. As I practice leaving it on the pages.

I stared at a spot in my kitchen with a wet face, remembering who I am to the core. Thinking about all of the love in my life. In me.

BUT. I had places to be. Things to check off of my list. I got up and grabbed some shoes out of my closet, sat on my bed as I tied them and caught myself in the mirror. I looked at myself and said out loud, “I am so proud of me”. And then there were more tears moving down my cheeks. I sat with my head on my arms repeating… “I am so proud of me”. I don’t know why the act of seeing myself say something I truly believe tore me to shreds, but it did. A gentle reminder to keep feeling. Feeling sad when I’m sad and feeling proud when I’m proud. The ebb and flow is just as inevitable as the sun rising. No flowers without rain? I kinda hate that one. Sounds like bullshit to me. There’s really no reason other than my sunshine personality that my indoor plants are alive…

Okay. So. I read an article (watched a tiktok) this week where this gal says when she gets in bed she rewinds her day and pulls out the glimmers. So she starts with when she woke up and thinks about the little things throughout the day that made her smile. I started adding this into my routine. She said she pulls out 20 glimmers and that kind of felt like a lot until I started going back through my day. Here are my glimmers from yesterday:

• Woke up before my alarm (feeling refreshed)
• Had my favorite coffee creamer (hazelnut) in the fridge
• Watched my kids stretch and make the cutest faces while they woke up
• Was told I’m the best mom ever a hundred times before breakfast
• Madd’s curls were perfect, he must have slept on his face, so they needed minimal fixing
• We repeated affirmations on the way to school
• I got my daily drop off air kisses as they walked away from the car
• I wore a fun new pair of earrings
• The pups looked so cute laying in the sunny spots at home
• Got one of my favorite sandwiches for lunch
• One of my clients financing is running ahead of schedule AND appraised higher than we thought
• Went through the car wash
• Laughed so hard with my kids about gen alpha slang and what phrases I’m “allowed” to say. Also almost peed my pants laughing when I repeated slang back and they threw their heads back laughing so hard because “I’m a mom” saying their words.
• Picked up a new pair of batting gloves for Madds and he called them “sick” “fr fr”
• In between pick ups and drop offs, sat in the car in my garage for 3 minutes and just felt pure peace
• Had some marshmallow delight before bed (marshmallows with chocolate and pecans, so good)
• Georgia buried her squishy face in my neck in exchange for some scratchies
• Started a new documentary

Did I get some not great news during the day and was yelled at by my mini me, yeah. But none of that matters.

Search for the glimmers people!